A series of mood stability-shattering events last weekend – some bad – some lovely but still “different” from what I’ve been experiencing recently – had me starting the week sick in bed with a cold, enjoying that lovely combination of being dead sick AND completely stressed and wigged out. Despite a day of rest I continued through Tuesday and Wednesday feeling like a piece of cooked spaghetti on a taffy stretcher: constantly wobbly and just about to break at any second. Last night was the fourth in a series of mostly sleepless nights and I found that when I did awaken this morning I was still feeling jittery and hopeless. My morning schedule was all messed up, too, as normally I head straight for the gym, but today was my first day of CrossFit at 8am so even leaving the house later than usual (6:30) I found I had spare time (huh? What does one do with THAT?). I didn’t want to go to the gym and do anything as CrossFit is pretty hard core and I knew I was already going in slightly weakened – so like all good geeks I came into the office. Checked mail, put out a few work fires, then had the great idea to study my Yoga Sutras book a bit. Here’s what my study opened to: (Italics quoted from Inside the Yoga Sutras)
Disease, dullness, doubt, carelessness, laziness, sensuality, false perception, failure to reach firm ground, and slipping from the ground gained-these distractions of the mind-stuff are the obstacles on the spiritual journey.
Yep! OMG. I’m feeling all of those!
Vikshepa, translated as ‘distraction’ means false projection, scattering, dispersing, and shaking (of the mind stuff).
Ok, this is getting creepy – that’s EXACTLY what I’ve been feeling.
…accompaniments to the mental distractions include distress, despair, trembling of the body, and disturbed breathing.
(CHECK CHECK).
The mind begins to have a hard time focusing…the end result is dullness of mind. Doubt adds fuel to dullness. The mind is bored, and a bored mind will always look for a distraction
(check)
– if it cannot find anything satisfying within the practices, it will look to gratify the senses
(check).
Why does this happen?
” …due to extended periods of physical or emotional stress”
(check)
What to do?
Always keep your eye on your goal Dwell on happiness, looking for it like a miner’s eye seeks gold.
Seek your teacher - ..Wisdom passed from one human being to another is like being kissed by the truth. It is beautiful and powerful…
So what did I do?
I went to CrossFit to learn – told them I wasn’t 100% so we took it a bit easy on the metabolic side –only a few short bursts – then worked on squats and overhead presses with a big focus on using the breath to stabilize the midline to keep the integrity of the movement. Left feeling: Stronger. Lighter. Peaceful. Not jittery and not miserable. Yay!
Lesson: When feeling awful, first seek to study the Sutras. They remind me of the path that I am on, that the journey is not without setbacks and provide guidance on how to move past them. If possible, then also seek teachers, of which I am blessed to have MANY. Take what they have to offer and continue to work on the balance between effort and release.
Workout:
- Type: Strength Training
- Date: 03/13/2008
- Time: 08:00:00
- Total Time: 1:00:00.00